Elsie's Third Birthday

We've been celebrating this beautiful little lady this week!

We let her get messy with cake and it was SO delightful to watch!

She's SO BIG now!

She actually started preschool on her birthday.  Because of her developmental delays, she receives special services and when you turn three, you can enter the public schools!  It's a bit of an adjustment for her, and for mommy.  But we're hoping she'll get used to it this spring and then be ready to jump in this fall.  On her first day, one teacher said to another child, "come meet our new little princess."  :)  Yes, she is!

We ended the week, celebrating with Grandma and Grandpa and doing some swimming.  It was a wonderful weekend, but now she's feeling a bit sick.  Pray for her to get better soon.

Sweet little one, we love you so much and we're so thankful that God chose you for our family!  You are growing and learning and we are so proud of you.  We delight in you.  You are a precious gift to us.

The dress

Years ago.  I can’t remember exactly which year, but before all the adoption paperwork started.  Before the heartbreaking failure of months and months of infertility treatments.  The two of us, with hopes and dreams and the excitement of the hope of little ones in our future, went shopping.  It was our anniversary and Mark said, “I want to do something that will bless you.”  (I love to shop, but he is a buyer, not a shopper.)  We went shopping for little girls clothes. 

At this time we were living in the middle of nowhere in East Asia and fashion there was not the same as what we can find in America.  So this was really a day of hunting for something remotely normal.  He would hold up a sweater and say, “this isn’t so bad.”  “Well, no, if this teddy bear with the lacy skirt wasn’t front and center, it would be okay,” I replied.  “What about this dress?”  “Um, no.  Maybe that mouse is supposed to resemble Mickey, but it’s just not cute.”  And so on the day went for a few hours.  I was attempting to educate Mark as to what makes little girls clothes cute and acceptable to me.  He was extremely patient and we had lots of laughs.

Finally in the last store, we found something.  A simple sleeveless t-shirt dress with a flower pattern.  And we hung on to it for years…the dress and our hopes of the little girl who would fit into it. 

It’s her favorite dress.  

Do little girls you know have this kind of dress?   The if-it’s-clean-I’m-going-to-wear-it kind of dress?  She would wear it every day if she could.  When she puts it on she twirls. 

And my heart swells with joy inexplicable.

   

Why I'm blogging less

Because I’m tired and I’m stressed!  This roller coaster of a life we’re on, well, it’s started to slow down a bit.  In the sense of, major life events have stopped piling up like the snow has this year.  In the past month or so, a path has begun to be dug to my heart.  And what I’ve found is a whole lot of emotions in there.  Sadness, lots of it.  Fear.  Hope.  Joy.  And fatigue.  I’m trying to seize a few of the girls nap times to take an honest look at my heart and work through some of these emotions.  Because then and after they go to bed at night are the only times of quiet and stillness in our home.  The rest of our time is a frenzy of me trying to keep my cool while feeding, diapering, and toileting while attempting to keep some order to the house and play with some purpose. 

I long for this to look and feel differently.  I want to be less stressed and more joyful.  I want to yell less and laugh more.  I want to correct with gentleness instead of panic.  (She pulled the folded laundry off the couch.  Yes, that’s annoying, but it’s not disobedience and it’s not harming anything.  I don’t have to freak out.)

In 1 Peter 3:4 the Bible says that a gentle and quiet spirit is an imperishable quality that is precious in the sight of God.  Oh how that does NOT describe me right now.  Depending on myself produces nothing but ugliness.  However, even in the midst of all my heart has been through, and all that my days hold, I believe “gentle and quiet” can describe me as I depend on Jesus to give me strength.  Even though I’m failing regularly, I know that His grace is sufficient and His love is constant.

I'd really appreciate your prayers!

6 to 8

The week we got back to America with Emma we went shoe shopping and bought her a size 6.  She can still squeeze her feet into those but we decided it was time for some tennis shoes.  A trip to Khol's this week revealed she’s now a size 8.  What happened to 7?  Without me knowing she just jumped two sizes. 

Is this what it’s going to be like raising them?  They’re just going to grow so quickly we hardly even notice!?  I really hope not.  I want to slow down.  I want to do so much more, so much better.  I want to be, no I need to be, so much more attentive.  I want to say “yes” as often as possible instead of “don’t do that” or “I can’t right now” or “I’m sorry, sweetie, Mommy has to…”  Do I really have to do those things?  Can’t I say “yes, I’d love to” instead?

Well, in an attempt to slow down today and share them with you, here are a few snippets of our girls currently…

Emma.  Not sure exactly when this happened, but she’s really only speaking English now.  Except for “还有呢?” (what else?) which she still says with consistency.  She’s a little sponge.  She’s asks questions incessantly and her favorite one is “why?”  She loves books and loves to pretend.  She'll pretend she’s a dog and she crawls on my lap and says, “Mommy pet doggy.”  I’ll rub her back and she says, “Feels nice.”  We've also tackled potty training, which we're doing as you're reading this.  Please take a minute to pray for us!  

Elsie.  She has a repertoire of tricks which I’ve attempted to capture here:

Saying “mom” is a recent addition and I cried when she first did it.  She still puts everything in her mouth, but she’s also tasting and eating more and more foods.  However at every meal, she tells us with sign language “more cracker” and will eat those non-stop.  She's constantly on the move but also focusing on one toy longer than she used to.  Maybe she's up to a 45 second attention span now!  

What a year!

2013 has held more change for us than the previous 35 years combined!  In January we were still caring for our beautiful foster daughter, Bella.  We didn’t know who would adopt her; we just knew we couldn’t.  At the end of February, we were graced with the incredible gift and knowledge that Bella’s forever family is a loving Christian family who desires continued communication with us.  In May, we experienced loss like we never had before when we had to say goodbye to her, but also gained dear friends in the family that adopted her. 

In January we were still agonizing through the red tape of our adoption process, delays in paperwork, denied referrals, still no idea who God would provide to be our daughters.  At the end of February we accepted Emma’s referral and by the end of May, she was in our arms.  At the end of March we accepted Elsie’s referral, but because of delays in her paperwork and our major move back to the US, it was early September before we brought her home to us.  We began the year with so many unknowns and lots of hurt and heart ache.  We are ending the year as a family of four on the road to health. 

I am most grateful for our two little sweethearts, Emma and Elsie.  These two little darlings are the answers to years and years and years of prayer.  We have been waiting for and longing for and hoping for them for a very long time.  And now they’re here.  They are ours.  They are growing not only in my heart, but also before my eyes.  At the beginning of the year, they were living in orphanages, various ladies caring for them, surviving, but in no way thriving.  Whether they knew it or not, they too were waiting and longing and hoping, maybe not for us specifically, but for a mommy and daddy, for a family and friends to love them and delight in them and provide them with an environment where they could thrive.  Now, they’ve been given the gift of a forever family.  They are learning and laughing and loving having a mommy and a daddy. 

Don’t get me wrong, this kind of major transition has NOT been easy on the four of us.  We are still adjusting and there are times it’s been really, really hard.  But as I reflect on our family’s recent history, how God is writing His story in our lives, I am overwhelmed.  Most days I’m too overwhelmed with the here and now of managing our home and caring for these two munchkins to see it.  But the past few days as I’ve taken time to stop and to think, I’m overwhelmed with God’s goodness and grace and faithfulness to me, His undeserving child.  That’s the kind of overwhelming I’d like to continue into 2014.

Happy New Year, dear friends.

Our little Christmas blessings

Holiday Snapshots

Cousin fun!

Right around Thanksgiving, Elsie decided she'd eat meat.  And she has ever since.  

Erika's grandma came to visit us!

She made homemade spaghetti sauce and Emma loved it!

This train ride is like the pace of life right now...constant motion, but not too fast.

The Christmas season isn't complete without decorating cookies with these friends.

Merry Christmas, dear friends.