What we're learning about our little girl

She’s spunky and giggly when she’s alone with us in the hotel room.  Out and about she’s more quiet and tentative.

She’s still really unsure of Mark.  She won’t let him hold her, and kind of yells when he gives her kisses. 

She sucks her middle two fingers and twirls her hair to comfort herself to sleep.

She has long legs and really short torso.  She’s 23.5 lbs.

She’s attached to the teddy bear that we sent her in a package a few months ago. 

Although she’ll sit on the potty and has gone for me a couple of times, she’s not potty trained.

She’s a good eater, hasn’t refused much that we’ve offered her.

She has an adorable little high-pitched voice. 

She’s smart and talkative.  When she’s not sure what to say, or doesn’t want to use the right words, she says, “Nanaaa.”  She says that a lot.

We’re working on getting her to call us “Mommy” and “Daddy”.  What’s natural is for her to call me “ayi” (auntie, what she called her caretakers).  Though we think it’s a game to her, when we ask her who Mark is, her first response is “yeye” (grandpa) or “shu shu” (uncle). 

When she’s surprised or seeing something new, she says “oooh,” and we think it’s the cutest thing ever!

All in all, we’re doing well.  You can pray for our health.  Mark and I have slight colds and stomach issues and Emma came to us with a slight fever.  I think she’s doing better now, but I’ve felt achy and yucky today.  We’re really happy all the traveling around at the beginning of our trip is over and we can settle into this room for 8 days.  Our medical appointment was changed to tomorrow morning which was such happy news since we arrived in our hotel room at 2 am this morning!  Emma did great on her first flight.  It took off a little after 10pm and she wasn’t asleep until 10:30 or so.  She was scared at the beginning, so I held her.  I’m so thankful she’s comforted by being in my arms. 

Today's lunch

The cost of adoption:  way too much.
The cost of the bowl of noodles that Emma and I split: 9 RMB (about $1.50)
Watching our daughter eat like this:

Absolutely priceless...

By the way... according to Chinese law, it's official.  She became ours today.

We've got her!

They brought us right up to her classroom and told her to come over and meet Mommy and Daddy.

It all happened really quickly and none of us were really prepared.

These ladies took care of Emma, the one on the right since she was small.  We can tell she was attached to her. 

Emma's bed at the orphanage.  She folded that blanket under her pillow herself!

Daddy's in love.

She's been all smiles today.  We've played with bracelets and colored.  She understands everything we say in Chinese and is willing to repeat English.  She's been talking a lot.  She's so smart!

Her giggle is just SO CUTE!  We love our little Emma Hope!

Packed and ready to travel!

Two more days until our first child is placed in our arms!  We’re kind of amazed that the day is finally here.  It’s been two and a half years since we sent in our application to our adoption agency.  We naively thought we could complete the adoptions and have two daughters in our arms in about a year.  Oh how Jesus loves to crush our expectations and give us what He knows is best, not what we think is best.  We’re excited to find out why Emma and Elsie are exactly what He desires for our family.

For months now all we’ve had are a handful of pictures and one video.  Tuesday, Emma will be by our side.  We can begin to really know her.  Will she like us?  Will she want to talk with us?  Will she be a picky eater?  Will she feel safe enough, or exhausted enough, to sleep well?  Will she fit into the clothes I’ve packed for her?  Will she be willing to be carried by us?  How heavy will she be?  When will we first see her smile and hear her laugh?  Please be praying for us on Tuesday.  We are filled with questions and anticipation.  I’m sure she will be scared and confused.

Here’s our rough schedule of events.  We’re hoping to be able to post regularly about how we’re doing, but we know in those posts you’d rather just see pictures of our beautiful girl!

                (May 27^th)Monday:  Mark and I fly to Beijing.

                Tuesday: We travel by car to Langfang to meet and pick up Emma and hopefully visit her orphanage.  Then we travel back to Beijing for our first night as a family.

                Wednesday: We travel by train to Shijiazhuang, the provincial capital, to complete the official adoption paperwork.  After this meeting she is legally and completely our daughter.

                Thursday: We travel by airplane to Guangzhou, where we will spend 8 days, a little family vacation if you will.

                Friday: We have a required medical check-up appointment for Emma.

                (June 1^st -3^rd ) Saturday to Monday: We just find ways to play and enjoy ourselves.

                Tuesday: We meet with a social worker for the first portion of the first Post Adoption Report.

                Wednesday: Mark has a quick appointment at the embassy to get one last document notarized. 

                Thursday:  We have the official Consulate Appointment which completes the American portion of the adoption and gets Emma an American visa.

                (June 8^th) Saturday: We take three airplanes for a total of about 24 hours to get from Guangzhou to Chicago.  After going through customs at the airport, our baby is bona fide American girl!

A time of humbling

Jonathan Edwards, a famous Puritan preacher, shared the following in describing how God often deals with His people:

"It is God’s usual method before remarkable discoveries of his mercy and love to them, especially by spiritual mercies, in a special manner to humble them, and make them sensible of their misery and helplessness in themselves, and of their vileness and unworthiness, either by some remarkably humbling dispensation of his providence or influence of his Spirit."

I found this very fitting as I read it this morning.  In our current “dispensation of God’s providence,” aka our crazy, dramatic life, we are grieving the loss of our incredible foster daughter, preparing to meet, adopt and travel the globe with Emma, preparing to leave our home and this country for longer than we’ve ever left, and packing up our entire house… all in one week.  That’s a lot to try and swallow.  Any one of those things is a lot to handle, let alone all of them at one time.  It's overwhelming to say the least.  Making me sensible of my misery?  Yes.  This world is not my home, and there’s so much about life here I’m really displeased about, especially our landlord.  But not only miserable about my situation, I’m also miserable about my reaction to it and my attitude through it.  Joyful?  No.  Patient?  No.  Gentle?  No.  Instead I’m angry, stressed, frustrated, demanding, anxious.  I’m miserable about the sin that is coming out of my heart and how it’s affecting me and my poor husband.  And the thing is love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness those are the fruit of the Spirit in me, not the fruit of my circumstances.  So this means that even in the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad days that we’ve had recently, I CAN exhibit the fruit of the Spirit instead of the fruit of the flesh.  This is where I become sensible of the helplessness in myself that Edwards speaks of above.  I, in my flesh, cannot produce the fruit of the Spirit.  I must depend on God to produce this fruit in me.  So, if I allow myself to be humbled and dependent, I will experience God’s remarkable mercy and love.  This is not to say that His mercy and love will come in the form of changing my circumstances and making everything sunshine, glitter and rainbows.  It still may be incredibly difficult and hard and humbling.  Yet through the clouds, His mercy will rain and His love will shine and I will be joyful and at peace in Him.

The Beautiful Bella

We have her family's permission to show off a few of our favorite shots.  So here there are!

June 2012

August 2012

December 24, 2012

February 2013

May 16, 2013

Goodbye

This past week has been filled with grief and joy.  Saturday morning we grieved packing up her things to prepare her to go.  We grieved hearing our doorbell ring as the social worker came to pick her up.  She asked us to go with her to the orphanage as it seemed Bella was having a hard time.  We grieved leaving her there.  Probably the hardest thing we’ve ever done.  She was placed in a room with 15 kids with severe special needs while she was “weaned” from us.  There were two nurses to care for all these kids.  Mark and I could barely keep up with Bella on our own.  How were they going to do it?

We grieved again when we came home to an empty house.  Bella was everywhere… in every nook and cranny, every toy strewn about, every book on her shelf.  We picked up half- eaten pineapple from that morning.  We folded up her bed.  We needed to prepare for Emma and begin to try to have some closure.  We needed to grieve through the putting away. 

The next day (Sunday, Mother’s Day) we were allowed to visit her at the orphanage.  We knew we needed, wanted to do whatever we could to ease her time there.  We knew it would be rough for her, but the reality was it was terrible.  We walked into her room and couldn’t find her.  There was no busy happy toddler running around.  Then they pointed her out.  She was sitting in a stabilized excer-saucer… the back of her hair matted from lying in her bed and fighting the ties that prevented her from climbing out.  She was asleep, face down.  She was dressed in orphanage clothes… nothing like the cute outfits we dressed her in.  She looked like… an orphan again.  She had food caked to the front of her and as she slowly opened sleepy eyes, she seemed to be dumbfounded we were there.  We learned later from the helpers that she had cried all the night before and that morning, smacking the glass door and crying for mama.  She wouldn’t eat for the nurses…we fed her.  She couldn’t play with the nurses, they were too busy… we let her have the run of the place.  She wasn’t rocked to sleep like normal…  I held her for 20 minutes as she settled down for a nap.  And then we had to leave again. 

That afternoon her forever family came.  They settled into their hotel, grabbed some quick supplies with their guide and when she had gone, gave us a call.  We went to their hotel, a mere block away, and met them face to face for the first time.  We were very encouraged by them.  We spent a fun dinner and evening catching up, showing pictures, telling stories and getting to know one another.  We gave them some of her clothes and a book on her time with us that I have spent months preparing.  Mark gave them 30 gigs of pictures and videos from the past year.  We took them back to the hotel with happy hearts, knowing that if Bella couldn’t be with us, this family will love her just as much as we do.  They have such loving and supportive friends and family all around them.  Bella will not be lacking for love, attention, clothes or dogs.  This brings us such joy.

Monday morning they went into the Civil Affairs office and she was there.  Cleaned and a bit frazzled, but immediately picked out their faces from all the Chinese ones around… and went to them.  There were tears of joy and tears of sadness.  After getting back to the hotel with her and getting settled, they called us.  “What are you doing?  Do you want to come down?”  We spent from about 2:30 to 8pm with them, watching her explore all her new things, taking them out to dinner and walking around a fruit and vegetable market.  It was really fun, but also a bit awkward…what should she call all four of us?  Is okay for us to hold her when she’s reaching for us or should we encourage her to be with them?  We could tell her little heart was confused and that she had a lot of emotions she didn’t know how to release.  Matt and Bridgett continued to be so gracious, “you can hold her, feed her, act like her parents, it’s okay.”  At the end of the night, we kind of snuck out of the lobby and then Bridgett told us the following morning what happened next.  When Bella realized we weren’t in the elevator she began crying and didn’t stop until about 9:30 when she finally settled down for bed.  Not exactly what you’d desire for your first evening with your new child. 

They were busy with appointments and tours that their adoption agency set up for them and they needed time as a family to adjust.  So we didn’t see each other Tuesday or Wednesday.  Thursday afternoon we met again and took them to a coffee shop to use the internet and get dinner.  It was another special gift to spend time with them and her.  She was happy to see us, but content with them.  She was running around smiling and laughing, sometimes wanting to be held by us, but happy in their arms as well.  We took more pictures and videos, trying to savor each moment.  She snuggled into my chest and wrapped her arms around me.  I said “I love you so much, baby girl” as I tried to fight back the tears.  And then she jumped down to run around some more. 

Our time with her had finally come to an end.  We said our goodbyes in the hotel lobby.  Of course Bridgett and I immediately had tears.  I thanked her for letting us be a part of their week here and she said, “Now go get your girls.”  We cried as we walked home, in the rain…a reminder that He’s here, crying with us.  I know it’s okay to grieve, she holds such a special place in our hearts and letting go of her hurts.  She will forever be in our hearts, but it’s also okay to move forward.  And Bridgett is right, it’s almost time to go get our girls.