Parenting 101

We’ve had Emma  almost nine days now.  Wow.  We think she’s becoming more comfortable with us and therefore is testing the waters a bit.  “Do Mommy and Daddy really mean what they say?  Can I point to anything and get it?  What will they do if I refuse to listen?”  These are some of the questions I imagine swimming around in her head…and I think she’s surprised and frustrated at some of the answers.  Even though we’ve been waiting for this little one for a long time (I mean a really long time!), she’s not the center of our universe and she’s not going to rule this roost.  And we think she needs to know this from the beginning.  We think that structure and boundaries provide security and safety that kids need.  And we want her to learn how to connect with us and others.  We hope that all of this will help her see God’s heart modeled in us.  So, yes, we do mean what we say.  No, you cannot have anything and everything you want right now.  And you will need to learn to listen and obey. 

She’s actually doing remarkably well, all things considered.  We’ve had a few little tantrums, but she does obey.  We’re trying to practice Karen Purvis’s philosophy.  So I’m using phrases like, “Let Mommy see those beautiful eyes,” and “We don’t throw things.  We show respect.  Let’s try that again.”  I need to do better at saying these things playfully the first time and be slower to jump into my “mommy means it” voice. 

Besides discipline, another thing I’m thinking through is how independent she is.  Most moms celebrate when their three year old puts on his/her own shoes and feeds himself and folds things up.  But she learned these things in an orphanage when she didn’t have a mommy and a daddy to care for her.  So am I supposed to celebrate or be sad?  I know that some independence at this age is developmentally normal and good.  But I’ve also read a lot of adoption articles and books that say children need to learn that it’s okay to depend on Mommy and Daddy and so some reverting is okay and good. 

Parenting a three year old is a whole new world to me.  I really want to do it as I depend on God for my strength and guidance and comfort and discernment.  Otherwise, it’s not going to be pretty. 

Emma, on the other hand, is just beautiful.