The Heart of a Daddy

Things are happening at lightning speed and it’s fun and crazy and overwhelming.  There are several procedures we’ve had to do to be able to foster her.  One is a home visit.  That happened today—our home passed inspection!  Another is a training period in the orphanage to learn how to care for her.   That starts tomorrow!  We will arrive in the morning and spend most of the day with her, learning how to feed her, change her diaper, bathe her, etc.  The director of foster care has said that we need to do seven days of this training and then we can bring her home.  I asked, “if we can do these things properly before seven days, can it possibly be less time?”  She said, yes, but there’s a test we have to pass at the end.  If we don’t pass we’ll have to keep coming until we can.  At least she hasn’t said that if we don’t pass the first time, we can’t bring her home. 

Because there’s so much to share right now, we’ve decided to try to post each night.  If you want to keep up, keep checking our blog.  Tonight we’ll share Mark’s thoughts on how we came to the decision to foster this little girl.  Tomorrow night we’ll share mine.

 

For me (Mark), it was a hard process.  I often need all the details and time to make good decisions.  This time, it seemed there was extra pressure, as Erika was on “Cloud Nine” and I needed to be the voice of caution and reason.  I did, however, often find my mind and heart wandering to the mental pictures I had taken of this little girl.  Holding her and looking in her eyes.  Watching her smile at me.  Knowing she had had a very rough life at only four months of age.  There were times when I wept just thinking about her biological family and the decisions they had to make.  When she came in to the orphanage, she had severe pneumonia.  She was in septic shock, had heart and respiratory failure and had been left in the snow for an unknown amount of time.  What I saw in her was the strength of a Fertig… a fighter, someone who will not give up in adversity.  I also related with her in some of her illness.  Born as a preemie, she has a heart condition.  I was born with a heart condition.  She was near death with pneumonia.  I spent a week or so in the ICU with spinal meningitis with my parents not knowing if I would survive or what kind of damage would be done to my body or brain.  I couldn’t get her out of my heart, out of my mind.  In the end, I could only answer with, “It is within God’s heart to adopt this little girl.  It is within His will to bring her home.”  The question was, “Is our home the best place for her?”  Would she get the care she needs in our city?  Would we be able to care for her better than someone else.  In the end, we made the decision that we would CHOOSE to be the parents she needs.  No matter what may come, I choose to be her father… to embrace the unknown, as any parent does.  I will shed the tears, go the extra mile, give my life, and go to the end of the earth that she might know she is no longer abandoned, unloved, unwanted, left.  She will be ours.  I will be hers.  In wisdom we see that her issues are minor and could possibly disappear altogether.  We can hope for that, but for now, whatever they may be, I will choose to meet these challenges in HIS strength, as HE knows best, trusting as HE leads.  There are not enough medical forms, tests or doctors visits that can help me know the future.  I truly can only depend on Him to be that kind of parent.